On Fall

When fall comes around, I’m usually hit with a sense of melancholy.  I’m sure this is different from most people, who usually get excited about the return of Starbucks’ pumpkin spice latte, ankle boots, and scarves (actually, scratch that – I’m one of those people).

Still, I find myself sinking into deep thought, and suddenly more aware of the fact that I’ve aged another year. The excitement of summer fades away, and I almost feel a kind of weariness seeping into my bones. My musical tastes stray away from the upbeat, bass-heavy music of the summer months, and I listen to softer, instrumental soundtracks.  It’s like everything in me just starts coming to a rolling halt.

Around this time, I tend to buy a new journal, start a new blog, or find some way to document the events of the past year, good and bad.  This year I started a little bit earlier than usual, having purchased a Leuchtturm1916 dotted notebook to use as a bullet journal.  I’ve been using it since May, and have been fiddling with the best note-taking system over the past few weeks.  The journal is only 26% full, so I expect that I’ll have plenty of room to write by the time fall comes around.

This fall, I think, will feel heavier than most. I’ll officially be a quarter of a century old, finally able to rent a car on my own, and worse, be five years away from turning 30. I don’t say worse simply because of the fact that I’m aging, but more because there are certain milestones that I had hoped to achieve before then, and I feel like I’m running out of time.

But I’m going off on a tangent.

Through the haze of melancholy and somber, I still get excited for fall because most of my favorite colors are in season (mustard, berries, plums, etc).  I usually flock to my nearest Yankee Candle shop for candles that smell like pumpkins, cinnamon, or cloves.

Last year, I bought two pumpkin scented candles and fall wreaths for my apartment, and invested in Bath and Body Works’ Sweet Cinnamon Pumpkin line (includes body wash, lotion, and body spray).  The spices and scents associated with fall, like ginger, cinnamon and cloves, are very comforting for me.  So naturally, I try to surround myself with them at all times.

Truthfully, I have mixed feelings about fall. While it also signals that I’m another year older, it also means that my 25th year of life is about to begin, and I can start over with a blank slate and fill it with another list of experiences, accomplishments, and life lessons.  And I suppose it isn’t all bad that I tend to feel reflective during this season – it gives me a chapter or two to add to my memoirs (jk…maybe).


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